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AlbertJayNock

The best blog post ever, and my own inferior tampon experiment

I read a lot of blogs. A lot of them are good, and some of them are better than mine. But until today, I never found a blog entry so vastly superior to my own pathetic musings it made me question whether I should continue blogging. I do not know if I can go on blogging  with the knowledge that I could never post anything that would come remotely close to matching the post I found today.

I refer to

In Which I Debunk the Vodka-Soaked Tampon Myth


at the Tiny Cat Pants blog. (Even the name of the blog is better than mine...she was able to think of a title!)

This is a blog post that has everything. It has alcoholic beverages. It has tampons. It has scientific experiments, complete with pictures. It has an urban legend involving mischievous teenagers. And it oh so neatly ties these things together into a coherent whole.
How could I hope to ever achieve anything remotely close to that level of blogging perfection?

But I must not despair. I must not let the perfect become the enemy of the good. I too, have done experiments with tampons. The results were not as significant as those at the tiny cat pants blog, and I don't have pictures. But it's something.

One Halloween, a little over 10 years ago, I stopped into my favorite sushi bar for some liquid refreshment. I believe my usual order at this bar was sake with a shot of grand marnier  on the side. (When I drank, I drank!).

The bartender served me my drink and said "we have some Halloween favors."

Behind the bar there was a big plastic pumpkin, the kind used to hold Halloween candy. Except this was filled with tampons. I don't know why there was a big plastic pumpkin filled with tampons behind the bar. Or maybe they told me and I forgot. Let that be a lesson on the evils of drinking, kids. It makes you forget interesting details.

Somehow the question of how absorbent they were came up. I don't know why I cared about that. I am a guy. I guess I' was  just curious about all the mysteries of womanhood. The guy sitting next to me was married, and thus a little less awestruck by feminine mystery. He said they could probably absorb a lot of soy sauce. In the interests of science, we decided to test his hypothesis.

I took a tampon from the plastic pumpkin, unwrapped it, and struggled to get it out of the applicator. A waitress walked by and, amused at my ineptness, said "Here, let me show you how to do that." The things of womanhood were not mysterious to her. I guess that's because she was a woman.

Once the tampon was removed from the applicator, I put it in a dish and poured some soy sauce on it. It sucked it right up. The married guy next to me, being more familiar with feminine hygiene, encouraged me to pour some more. He cheered me on as I nearly drowned  the tampon in a torrent of soy sauce.  All of the soy sauce was absorbed. I was impressed.

It was  a fun and educational Halloween. I don't think I'll have another one like it now that I've quit drinking.

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